Aware

There is something that has been on my mind lately….finding the right words has proven challenging though. Here is the thing…April is Autism Awareness/Acceptance month. What hit me like a ton of bricks this year though is that while I Love my children very VERY much…There are parts of Autism that I do NOT want to accept.

I am AWARE that Life with Autism is not easy, that there will be days when I just want to crawl under a rock and cry.

I am AWARE that Meltdowns due to sensory Overload are Par for the Course.

I am AWARE that Elopement happens FAR more often than I would like ( Frankly ONCE is one time too many, and was enough to scare the breath out of me).

I am AWARE That My child can’t/wont/doesn’t tell me much if anything at all about His day, His world.

I am AWARE that There are many times ( More often than not) when my husband and I have to decide wich one of us will accompany the girls to their various events while the other stays home with our son.

I am AWARE that most people will never understand autism, and will judge EVERY detail of my life as a result.

And…..

while I am AWARE of all the stuff listed above, that does NOT mean I ACCEPT it all….

It HURTS when I don’t know how to help my child

It Tears me in two when we Can’t do things as a Family

It TERRIFIES me when my child Bolts from school, home, the ball field, in the store…ect.

It HURTS when People look at me like I am a Bad parent, tell me I am a Failure, say things like “He is just a spoiled Brat”

I REFUSE to accept that my Husband or I did something wrong, and that is the reason why we have 2 children on the Autism spectrum.

I REFUSE to see autism as “the end of the world”. My Children, ALL…THREE…OF…THEM are a Blessing. Autism does not define them, it is not ruining my life, or theirs. They are all precious and beautiful in their own ways.

Autism Awareness/Acceptance month may be “Over” for the “neurotypical” world….but Believe me when I say I am AWARE EVERY Day, and while I Love and ACCEPT my children, I REFUSE to ACCEPT the judgement, I Can’t Honestly say that I accept the pain and tears that fall OFTEN ( yes, sometimes Daily)…that are falling as I type this.

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