Just a Thought

So, i have been watching the series of Dr. Who episodes with Donna as The Doctor’s companion…I will admit, of all the companions, she has never really been my favorite, BUT i noticed something this time around that kinda stuck with me…..in “Turn left” about what the world would be like if Donna never met the Doctor, she keeps saying how unimportant she is, and how she is just a Temp, and through the course of the episode, and the 2 that follow, we find out just how important Donna is. It just kinda struck me that we may not realize our importance, but to others around us, Our very existence could be world changing…ok maybe not on a Donna Noble saves the universe kinda scale, but it kinda stuck with me because i have many days where I sound like Donna ” Oh I am nothing special” ” I am just a Temp ( well for me it would read mom, housewife)”….just a tidbit from my geeky corner of the world

 

I Just posted the above as my Status on Facebook, and then as my news-feed loaded, THIS appeared…

529382_505154059565778_1575143161_n

I am reminded that it may seem mundane, and everyday, and unimportant to me…but everything i do…from washing their laundry, to finding that lost toy at bedtime…is important to my children, even if i can’t always see it….even if i often feel invisible, like i am “Nothing special”

Maybe just maybe, it really does matter after all

Advertisements

The Playlist of Us

I should be asleep i know
But You see I had to stay
because inside my head
This Poem would not go to bed
Not the most eloquent thing
ever i have wrote
It insisted to be said….
love

The Music tells a story
18 years ago Ours began
Sweet Home Alabama
Hotel California
Coaxing me into Your arms
swept off my feet by Your southern boy charms
Take my Breath away
Wedding bells soon followed
Love Will be Our home
My Best friend sang
Reality Hit Hard
Heads Carolina, Tales California
while neither of Us could bear to Listen
It was our reality
Hard to Say I’m sorry
soon became my theme
Years passed
Children came
I Only have eyes for You
My Home’s in Alabama
Living on a Prayer
Our Love grew stronger still
Total Eclipse of the heart
Every Breath You Take
When You say Nothing at All
Through the years our love Has grown
Many songs have been added to the playlist of us
I wont Let Go
You Never Gave up on me
We have proven time and time again
that we are Strong enough to Bend
There are songs from You to me
Whiskey Girl
One Hot Momma
Aint Nothin about You
and the songs from me to You
my Cool Rider
Romeo
I Need a Hero
No one Else on Earth
that You Love me
is all I ask of You
When people ask ” what is Y’all’s song?”
To give this list would take too long
The simpler answer would be
God Blessed the Broken Road
God Gave me You
and Nothing’s gonna change my Love for You
There have been hard times
when my Brown eyes were blue
Before I let You go
Listen to Your heart
Wake me up inside
I will always Love You
because I am Hopelessly Devoted to You.
Through the hard times
You Make me smile
and as long as we Keep the Faith
We will make it through the Rockin Years

~August 9,2013~
Rachel E. Brown

A Breath of Fresh Air

My Kids continue to amaze me! We just returned from a trip to visit my Family. This summer has been one of Non existent routine, and it has been interesting to watch my Routine driven children learn to adapt.  As much as they thrive on routine, it is I think, important from time to time to show them how to  learn to be flexible, because after all, life in the real world is full of changes, and not everything always goes as planned.

As we loaded up for the long anticipated, yet shortened trip, excitement was high. They could not wait to get to grandma’s house, and their lists of what they were looking forward to varied from one child to the next. With Autism along for the trip, there was, as always, much planning on the part of the adults…my husband, parents and I talked well in advance, planning out as much as we could. The Big event of the trip was my youngest brother’s wedding.

We had already been through one family wedding with autism in tow, so we knew how to prepare. We wrote the social story, we planned escape routes for meltdowns, we had a shadow for the boy, seeing as my husband and i were both in the bridal party, and my parents, being parents of the groom, needed to be free to enjoy the day as their youngest child married His sweetheart.

As soon as we arrived at my mom’s, and the truck was unpacked, The kids settled right in as if they had never left. This was a safe haven, and they knew it. The Boy changed into old clothes and headed to the barn with Grandpa, the oldest headed to sleep…we had been on the road for 20 hours after all, and the youngest settled in with grandma while my husband and I crashed as well. What a wonderful feeling to know that my kids are safe, and that I can rest….this is not something I get just anywhere, and it is something I cherish every time We go to my Parents house.

DSC_0046 copyWM

The result of my parent’s house being a safe haven was, as always, that my husband and I were able to slip off for some much needed time alone. We had a wonderful escape to my Aunt and Uncle’s Cabin in the mountains, and it was a precious time of reconnecting, of much needed peace and quiet, no kids to worry about. I am not saying I don’t love my kids…they are my world, but anyone with special needs children knows, getting time alone is a RARE thing, and yet it is OH SO IMPORTANT! While my husband and I were enjoying Our Mountain escape, the kids enjoyed time with their cousins, and went to the zoo.

July22Collage

The day of the wedding drew closer, and the hectic chaos that goes into Visiting from 20 hours away, plus planning a wedding collided in a whirlwind of non stop activity, and yet, the kids continued to go with the flow. Sure, we had a few meltdowns, but no major blow outs. As best we could, my mom and I wrote out what was happening when on a calendar for the boy, and that helped a lot.

We met the lady my mom had found to be Dak’s shadow for the wedding, and there was an instant connection. a Fellow Mom, with kids on the spectrum, this was definitely a blessing, and another worry off my mind.  She came to the rehearsal, and while the Bridal party ran through the ceremony, she helped Dak go through a trial run with His social story, and then helped keep Him , and the rest of the kids entertained at the rehearsal dinner, before taking Him back to my mom’s when it was time for His evening dose of meds.

DSC_0355 copy

There simply are not words to describe the Peace, and relief that comes in knowing that Your children are loved, accepted, and safe. In knowing that you can occasionally catch a breath, and enjoy time with Your spouse without hearing “Mom!!!” or worrying about a Meltdown, or elopement, or any of the other challenges Autism brings.

In the midst of wedding planning, and preparations, there were Family Game nights, and plenty of memories made with Cousins. The Visit went by ALL too fast. The day of the wedding arrived, and My youngest and I headed to my sister’s house with the rest of the Bridesmaids and the other flower girl to get ready. My Husband and my Brother and Dad held down the fort at the farm, while getting ready themselves, until Donna arrived to take over with Dak. I am told He did really well, and when I saw Him at the ceremony, He was listening to Donna, and following His social Story. I am really proud of my kids, and got reminded that, while it may take more planning on my part, special events like a wedding CAN be enjoyed by the WHOLE Family. My Sister in Law even got some pretty amazing Photos of my kids while the Bridal Party was standing in the receiving line…..

IMG_4101 copyIMG_4118 copy IMG_4103 copy

IMG_4076 copy

After the ceremony, Donna took My Oldest two on to the reception, while the Bridal Party did the Photo thing. My Brother’s new Mother in Law had outdone herself with activities for the kids at the reception, and they ALL had a BLAST! I was able to relax, dance with my husband, and enjoy the entire day knowing that the kids were taken care of, and we had back-up plans firmly in place if needed, but am happy to say, they were not needed!

DSC_0273 copy

All too soon, Our time was up, and we loaded back up in our truck to head south, to head home. We were all anxious to get back to our dogs, our house, our own beds, and yet, there was this feeling that the trip was too short, that we were leaving a safe zone, and heading back into chaos of getting ready for back to school, work, and every day life. This year got off to a very rocky start, and Our time in NY was a much needed breath of fresh air, and new life into our routine, our lives. Yes, Autism is a part of our lives, but this trip was a beautiful reminder that it is not the end of the world, of just how far we have come on this journey, and of the support that we do have, even if it is 20 hours away. This trip restored my hope, reminded me of what matters most, and pulled me farther out of the depression I have been battling. There is something about returning to the farm, to the country life I was so desperate to leave as a teen, that refreshes my spirit.

DSC_0043 copyWM

I will leave You with a Final Thought… a segment of Lyrics to a song that has been stuck in my head for a while now….

“I laid in bed that night and thought about the day
And how my life is like a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way
It’ll throw you off if you don’t hold on tight
You can’t really smile until you’ve shed some tears
I could die today or I might live on for years

I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautiful life”
~Darryl Worley: Awful, Beautiful Life~

The Battles of the Heart

This was my status on Facebook Sunday…

“Not all the wounds of the heart can be mended with help. Some just take time, and the realization that in order to allow yourself to heal, You need to work through the emotions as they come, not bury them or ignore them, and to forgive, whether the person(s) who inflicted the pain ask for it or not. Forgiveness is not for them…but for you. Bitterness will just turn even the most loving heart to stone. ( and yes, This is a reminder for myself too)”

 and this was my Status Yesterday,

“When You have something worth Fighting for, worth all the hard work, sleepless nights, tears, Don’t give up when it seems too hard. Hold on tight and rage against the storms, looking for the quiet in the midst of the fight, clinging to hope when the world falls in around you, and remember that others may try to tear it apart, but as the battle wages, the strongest are often those who know they are weak, who refuse to quit, and who keep pressing forward in spite of the heartbreak, the pain, overcoming and recognizing that the most beautiful treasures are ones who have stood the tests of time, not the ones who are pristine and have never been tested.”

and here is the poem that followed from the above train of thought…..

 

The Battles of the Heart
wage where nobody can see
Sleepless nights
Countless Tears
anger seeps in like the tide
Bringing with it fears and Pride
Just walk away
It’s the easy thing they say.
But what if we stand and fight
if we choose to rage against the night
The battle wages
Tired and worn
finding strength to rise once more
To love deeper than before
This heart of mine
Tattered and Torn
scarred and cracked
Battle Tested
a priceless Treasure
proven in fire
Washed with tears
Yours to have for all my years.
~August 5,2013~

Wedding Reflections

Last weekend on Sunday, July 28,2013, My Youngest brother Got married, and I had the Honor of being a part of the Bridal Party, along with my Husband and youngest Daughter.

DSC_0167 copy

As I sit here going through, and editing Photos from The day, and from Our trip to visit my Family, a few things keep running through my mind.

The Wedding was a Beautiful one, held in one of our Father’s Hay-fields.  The Morning of the Ceremony, However, It Rained. This added stress to the Bride and Groom. I am proud of my brother though. He faithfully watched the Radar, and the sky, and with the help of my father, the decision was made to wait it out, and sure enough, after an hour delay, the sky cleared, and the sun came out.  There is a lesson here. As they begin their married life, Through the years, they will have storms, rain will fall, but if they remember to dance through the rain together, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine again.

DSC_0123 copy

Another Thought from the day comes from my brother Himself. He posted this as His Facebook Status on Friday, August 2…“FB annoys the crap out of me some days, and there’s days when the only thing keeping me from outright deleting it is family and friends scattered about the country and world…..but I don’t think I will ever get over how awesome it is to see Hilary R. Settle sharing my name  if FB is still around when I’m 50, I’m still going to log on and think that is just awesome….I keep fiddling with the gold band on my finger….It holds a special meaning to me, not only is it my wedding band and a symbol of our love, but it was my grandfathers ring, the history I am wearing on my finger, and the future it signifies….it’s mind blowing, I only hope I can live up to being even half the man he was”

This is priceless. Our Grandfather’s love for Grandma came up during the ceremony as well, as My Other Brother was one of the officiants. What a Timeless example our Grandparents  left for us of a long and lasting love. We are their legacy, and I remember Grandpa welcoming my Husband into the family with open arms, and can only imagine the joy He would have shown at the wedding as David Married Hilary.

DSC_0070 copy

There were many precious memories of the day, as there Usually are with Weddings. Aside from the typical First Kiss, First Dance, Cutting the cake type ones traditionally , There are a few that stand out for me….Like My Parents having all of their kids together for the first time ( spouses included) in a LONG time.

DSC_0296 copy

and all 6 Grandchildren together…

DSC_0309 copy

Watching My Parents Dance….

DSC_0377 copy

Seeing the Love of my Life in His Uniform….

DSC_0317 copy

Watching My Dad dance with His 3 youngest Granddaughters….

DSC_0504 copy

Dancing with My Daddy….

DSC_0509 copy

Watching Dak on the Dancefloor….

DSC_0386 copy

and SO Many more…..

One of My favorite Moments came at the end of the night, as the reception was winding down, and my brother and His bride were getting ready to leave on their honeymoon. My Parents gathered all 4 of us siblings up, and my new sister, and Gave us Our Blessing. This is something they started when we were kids, and I have continued with my children, and it made me smile to hear it from my parents that night, even as a grown up, as we sent my brother and His new bride off to start their Life together. To me it was a wonderful way to send them off, to wrap up a beautiful day….

Numbers 6:24-26 

 The Lord bless you, and keep you:

The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto you:

The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Vacation Poem

We Just returned from a Trip to Visit my Family in Upstate NY. I wrote this poem while on the road…It is a whole lot silly, makes very little sense…lack of sleep and coffee probably had some play…Here it is none the less…

 

Clothes are Loaded
truck is Packed
Turn off the lights
Don’t forget to pee!

Kids Crammed in truck
off we go to Grandma’s House
She Touched me!
Are We There yet?
On and On it Goes

20 Hours on the road
3 kids and 2 adults
in our pick-up truck
He took my Pillow!
Mommy I need to pee!

Up and down through mountains
over rivers we go
Headed North to Grandma’s house

Stop for gas
stop for food
everybody go pee!
Now pile back in the truck

Don’t lean on me!
Mooom! She’s squishing me!
The word of the day is Co-exist!

Ten hours down
Ten more to go
Daddy Drives
Mommy Referees

Alabama, Tennessee
Virginia, Pennsylvania
North to Grandma’s house
in New York we Drive

The sun is setting
go to sleep
Mom! I Can’t feel my feet!
Sit Still, Stay in Your seat!

Endless Highway
Rolling Hills
Dad, what state
is that Liscence plate?

Reading books
Playing Games
Hey Look!
I see a Train!

20 hours on the road
North to Grandma’s
Are we there yet?
On and On it goes.

~July 17,2013~

Rachel E. Brown