Love Is…

Sharing two older poems of mine, written back in 1996

Love

The Power of love
it can tear your world apart,
can make your every dream come true.

The power of love
can teach you so much about yourself
can draw you out of your shell.

The beauty of love
it seeks you out
when you least expect it.

The beauty of love
touches your soul
in your darkest hour.

~Rachel E. Brown~
2-10-1996

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Love is like a fire
burning deep within your heart
flames of passion
play with your emotions
the dancing light of happiness
casts a reflection for all to see.

Love is like a fire
intertwining two hearts,
an extravagant masquerade
combining beauty and mystery
in an intriguing display of romance
flirting with pulsating intensities
of erotic desire.

Love is like a fire
consuming your thoughts
rendering you helpless
overwhelmed by the primal urges of your mind
Love is like a fire…..
~Rachel E. Brown~
2-10-1996

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Aware

There is something that has been on my mind lately….finding the right words has proven challenging though. Here is the thing…April is Autism Awareness/Acceptance month. What hit me like a ton of bricks this year though is that while I Love my children very VERY much…There are parts of Autism that I do NOT want to accept.

I am AWARE that Life with Autism is not easy, that there will be days when I just want to crawl under a rock and cry.

I am AWARE that Meltdowns due to sensory Overload are Par for the Course.

I am AWARE that Elopement happens FAR more often than I would like ( Frankly ONCE is one time too many, and was enough to scare the breath out of me).

I am AWARE That My child can’t/wont/doesn’t tell me much if anything at all about His day, His world.

I am AWARE that There are many times ( More often than not) when my husband and I have to decide wich one of us will accompany the girls to their various events while the other stays home with our son.

I am AWARE that most people will never understand autism, and will judge EVERY detail of my life as a result.

And…..

while I am AWARE of all the stuff listed above, that does NOT mean I ACCEPT it all….

It HURTS when I don’t know how to help my child

It Tears me in two when we Can’t do things as a Family

It TERRIFIES me when my child Bolts from school, home, the ball field, in the store…ect.

It HURTS when People look at me like I am a Bad parent, tell me I am a Failure, say things like “He is just a spoiled Brat”

I REFUSE to accept that my Husband or I did something wrong, and that is the reason why we have 2 children on the Autism spectrum.

I REFUSE to see autism as “the end of the world”. My Children, ALL…THREE…OF…THEM are a Blessing. Autism does not define them, it is not ruining my life, or theirs. They are all precious and beautiful in their own ways.

Autism Awareness/Acceptance month may be “Over” for the “neurotypical” world….but Believe me when I say I am AWARE EVERY Day, and while I Love and ACCEPT my children, I REFUSE to ACCEPT the judgement, I Can’t Honestly say that I accept the pain and tears that fall OFTEN ( yes, sometimes Daily)…that are falling as I type this.