*Warning, venting today….*
Do you know what it feels like to be told “Your child may never speak.”? To live each day trying to reach a child who is totally withdrawn into his own world, no eye contact, no affection, no words…..
Do you know the overwhelming tears of joy when at 4 years old, that child who “may never speak” says “Mommy”?
Do you know what it feels like to watch your husband ache because his only so appears to want NOTHING to do with Daddy?
Do you know what it feels like to be told “your just a bad mother, there is nothing wrong with that child” on every turn….from people who are SUPPOSED to make up your support structure?
Do you know what it feels like to watch your non verbal child struggle with rejection because family members spoil his sisters, ignore him, and then say “Oh he wont notice anyway”? Guess what..HE DOES NOTICE!
Do you know what it feels like to have the same family members mentioned above, accuse you of talking bad about them to said non verbal child, because “He wont hug them, and it MUST be your fault, because…he doesn’t notice how they ignore him”?
Do you know what it feels like to hear time and again “Your best is not good enough”, “Your not doing anything right”, ect. Over and over again?
Do you know what it feels like to be up in the middle of the night, multiple times, with a child who has just had a seizure?
Do you know what it feels like to try to explain to your younger child why her brother wont play with her, why he is different, why…why…why?
Do you know what it feels like to have to choose between staying at family functions to “keep the peace” or scooping your “borderline on a meltdown” child up and taking him home so he can escape the sensory overload?
Do you know what an IEP meeting is?
Do you know what it is like to spend every waking minute looking towards the next Dr. Apt, or IEP meeting? fighting with insurance companies, and doing all you can to make sure your child gets the treatments, therapies, tests, and help that he needs just to survive in this world……
Do you know the pain in your husband’s eyes as he talks about things he wishes he could do with his son…football, motocross, baseball..ect. ?
Do you know what it’s like to realize that you have not one, but two children with disabilities?
Do you know what it is like to doubt your every move?
Do you know what it is like to face countless meltdowns? the screaming for HOURS, the trying to keep your child from hurting himself as he bangs his head against the wall?
Do you know what it is like when your child is having a meltdown, and somebody who is SUPPOSED to be part of your “Village” turns to you and says “he is too old to be acting like that.He is high functioning, and high functioning autistics dont have meltdowns”?
Do you know what it feels like when your own child hits you, not out of anger or to be mean, but because he doesn’t understand, and doesn’t know the words to express what He wants yo say?
Do you know the tears a mother cries when her children are not looking?
If you can answer yes to the questions I asked, I wish I could reach out and Hug you! We walk this journey together, yet often feel so very very alone. If, however, you can’t answer yes to the questions above, then STOP JUDGING those of us who can. We don’t need your pity, we don’t need your criticism, or dirty looks. We are doing the BEST we Know how for our children, and YES, Our best IS good enough, because if WE don’t fight for our kids, WHO WILL?
*Disclaimer…This is in NO way directed to those of you out there who can answer no the the above, yet still actually HELP, support, and ARE a part of our village!. To you I say THANK YOU!*