Laughter and tears, Heartache and Joy

The song above describes the cry of my heart soo often. As a mother of a special needs child, There are many days I feel overwhelmed, Stressed out, and yes, even alone. I have three beautiful children…one of them happens to be autistic. I have a wonderful, helpful, supportive, loving Husband.  and yet, I still at times feel alone. I dont get to go out for “Girl’s night out”  and a date night with my husband…HA! what’s that?

I am not writing this down so that you will feel sorry for me…I don’t want…or need pity from ANYONE! Part of why I am writing this out is that sometimes I just need to vent…and the rest…well read on, you will see….

to my friends who come pick up my girls for softball practices and games…or AWANA, or Sunday school, and help me out when I need you…..THANK YOU! I cant begin to express how much it means that you care enough to help me make sure that my girls are able to have social lives and grow, and get a break from their brother from time to time. To those of you who call me from time to time, just to see how my day is going…THANK YOU! Words can’t describe how much it means to me to be able to carry on an adult conversation. sometimes the simplest things like a Hug, or a Phone call mean sooo much to me.  sometimes I need more. Those of you who know me, know that its hard for me to ask for help…

I have heard it all…”there is nothing wrong with Him, He is just spoiled” …”If that was my child I would spank Him every day whether He did anything wrong or not”… ” That boy doesn’t belong in my school, He cant be here, take Him home” …”you are ruining your girls lives because you wont put your son in an institution”…..” I bought the girls each a gift at Toys R us, but forgot to get him anything, He wont notice will he?”…..”I will watch the girls, but you have to take the boy with you”….lets explore these a bit further…my son is autistic, NOT broken. yes He has meltdowns when he doesn’t understand something, or gets overwhelmed, or scared…but He is FAR from spoiled. How can he be spoiled? He doesn’t always get His way….He often feels left out because the girls have VERY social active lives, and YES he DOES notice when he gets treated as an after thought by people who by blood are Family. God GAVE him to this family , and we LOVE him for the gift and blessing that He is! He is NOT ruining the girls lives….they still get to go to sleepovers at friend’s houses, and youth group/church activities, play in the school band, play softball, and lead as “Normal” of a life as possible for a family of 5 on a single income in a messed up economy. They love their brother VERY much, and if anything, it has opened their eyes to the world around them more, and to the fact that just because someone is disabled, or different, that does NOT make them LESS. I was so VERY proud when my oldest daughter volunteered, on her own, without me saying a word, to be a buddy for the Miracle League this year. She didn’t only help her brother either…she often was buddy for one of the other children on the team and enjoyed getting to know several of them regardless of their disability. as for the whole you have to take the boy with you….do you have ANY idea how hard it is to “date” your husband with a child in tow?

Thankfully, I have been blessed with amazing friends who don’t see Dakota’s Disability…they only see HIM…they have not walked out and don’t care if my house is not spotless. When I left NY to join the Military, I did not know the path set in motion for my life. I am VERY thankful that while in the Marines, I met, and fell in love with my best friend, a wonderful man, my husband of 14 years. I miss NY and MY family….but I am thankful that I have gained another family…one of friends who have not abandoned me. This summer starts a new chapter in my life, as my oldest Daughter steps into her teen years…its a scary and yet exciting time…and My hope and prayer is that I am doing the best that I humanly can for all three of my gifts from God, and trusting God to do the rest.

I guess the point of all this is that if you don’t have the time to learn WHO my son is…..don’t tell me everything that is wrong…I don’t need the negativity…and neither do my kids! If you have stuck by me, and not abandoned me…THANK you from the bottom of my heart…words don’t exist for how much that means to me


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