Christmas Memories

Memories of Christmas Past
surrounded by family
the love overwhelmes
children laughing
happy times

Christmas now
doing my best to ensure
love overwhelmes my children
children laughing

so why do i feel
i dont know how i feel
He is wonderful
He loves me so
i am not alone
and yet something is missing
an ache in my heart
a longing for
the way things were
Christmas past

Grandma fussing that food is ready
Grandpa saying, its almost halftime
cousins playing blocks and snowball fights
hide and seek and scrabble
everyone gathers
grace is said
at the table
catching up with loved ones
swapping stories
memories and a years reminisced

oh to show my kids
how a family celebrates Christmas all together
grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins
non judgmental, unconditional love
the longing to be up north
grows stronger the closer it gets to Dec 24th

Family traditions
Roses from grandpa
a bowl of mashed potatoes just for uncle Pete and I
everyone gathered around the piano for songs
the kids sitting impatiently as close to the tree as they dare
oh how i ache to go home for a white Christmas

Christmas for me is not about packages, ribbons and bows
Christmas is family gathered, and cold snow on your nose
a love so overwhelming it warms to the bone
as another year passes
i try my best to be content where i am
yet the tears fall more frequent
my husband and children
keep me smiling, they keep me going
without them
i am alone
an outsider looking in the window
at a world i do not understand
judgmental and critical,
manipulative and cold
how i long for the overwhelming warmth of the love at home

~Rachel E. Brown 12-22-2008~

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