Ramblings….

I Have not posted anything in a while, and I Know many of you are wondering if I am ok as I really have not even been online. I was without a computer for a while, and even now that My computer is fixed I find myself not really spending a lot of time on it.

I Got Real sick with a Nasty stomach bug after Christmas, and Have been fighting with Depression and a lot of personal issues since September and they all snowballed this past weekend. Some of you know the reasons why my depression has been trying to resurface, and at least one person who will most likely read this is struggling with some of the same things. There are things happening in My world that I don’t want to face… Things I don’t want to deal with… yet because that is the way life is I have no choice. What am I to do… Close myself off from the world completely? Shut out the ones I love the most attempting to protect myself? I did that once…. Learned the hard way that that is no way to live. So I am faced with the reality that life hurts… and that in order to live I must hurt…. In order to Love completely I must accept Loss and Heartache…..In order to open my heart and let loved ones in…. I must be prepared to someday say goodbye.  I have been forced to face the fact that Loving someone Requires a Constant Daily Effort….. You can’t just say ” I Love you” and go through the motions….. It Must go deeper… to a place I had hidden from….. a place where you realize that it hurts when they hurt…. you Cry when they cry…. you are overjoyed when they are….. Love is Much deeper than I ever wanted to admit. When I Look into my husbands eyes I see just how deep and strong it is….and when something happens to cause that love to hide It Cuts Like a knife straight through the heart. When you give your Heart 100% to someone and they give you yours it is a Valuable and precious gift Not to be taken lightly… A Fragile Thing to be handled with Tender Loving Care. I came to the realization recently that there are two sources of strength in my life outside myself… and I am not very strong lately…. My relationship with Jesus Christ Is the number one source of my strength, and My Husband’s Love is my second source of strength. Without him holding me up the past 6 months I don’t even want to think where I would be right now… Cause it is NOT a happy Place. We Recently went through a period of difficult times between the 2 of us and both learned some things that are bringing us closer in the long run but almost tore us apart. I guess as we approach our 10 year anniversary we are going through growing pains in Our relationship.

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